Today, it has been three months since my last flying lesson and the last time I was up--the hardest three months I've had yet to face in all of my flight training, not because of what I've been doing but because of what I have not been able to do. Having experienced the thrill of flight under no human hands but my own, knowing that I possess the capability to do this and yet am unable to, has made this trial all the more difficult to bear. It's ten times worse than waiting to begin flight training. You have only a vague idea of what it will be like then, but after you've had the life-changing experience of solo flight--well, nothing else is quite the same again and not being able to fly then is especially trying.
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| This plane flying by our house a week ago made a low pass which seemed meant especially for me even though I have no idea who the pilot was. |
When I first started on this journey in earnest, now almost a year ago, I never dreamed it would take this long. I thought I would easily be able to complete it over the summer. Then, when a month and a half passed without a single lesson and I still had not soloed, though somewhat disheartened, I thought, surely I can finish in October, or maybe by my birthday. I finally soloed in September but October's weather was contrary and flying that month was very sporadic. Still, I clung to the seed of hope planted by Stephen, my instructor, that I could finish by Christmas. November saw a turn in the weather, slight, but enough that I had a decent number of lessons and was able to complete my first solo cross-country flight in early December. Soon after this, I made the transition to Oshkosh to begin work on my instrument, night flying, and towered airport work but my hopes of finishing by Christmas had already faded as reality struck again. I had only just begun my instrument work when weather, mechanical problems with the plane and finally, the loss of my instructor intervened to bind me once more firmly to earth even while my heart yearns to be soaring again.
Though I've looked into several options to continue my training nothing has worked out yet and most of them have turned into dead ends. Finding an instructor and a plane together in the same place has proved far more challenging than I ever imagined it could and as I run up against brick wall after brick wall the fight against discouragment grows ever more difficult. It would seem all circumstances are conspiring against me to keep me grounded.
In the midst of all of this, verses like the one I shared in my last post and Ps. 37:4-5 and 84:11 continue to provide the only hope I have to cling to.
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| It's still hard to see others fly when I cannot but I cannot rightly begrudge them their happiness so I strive to rejoice with them. |
"Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass."
"For God is a sun and shield: the Lord will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly."
I also read these timely words by Lane Wallace from her column in the December 2012 issue of Sport Aviation. She tells the story of her stepson's circuitous route to his pilot's license and, while I don't agree with everything in the article, it certainly struck a meaningful chord with me, particularly this paragraph:
"In point of fact, those goals we set out for ourselves, that seem so straightforward, but prove so circuitous and challenging, might even teach us far more important lessons than the ones we set out to master. Even if one of those lessons is simply the importance of persistance. The goal attained might not be any sweeter for the length of time it takes to achieve it. But the degree of wisdom attained in the process is almost always greater."
I share all of this here only to ask that you would pray with me and for me that I would trust a little longer, have faith that God has a reason for this waiting, and learn the lessons He has for me even in the midst of this most trying part of my aviation journey. Perhaps one of these is simply patience.
